5/14/10: DIE, PEACOCK!!

Dear Dick Wolf:

HOW DARE THEY DENY YOU THE RECORD?! AARRGGHH!! OMG I will never watch TV ever again. Not as long as I live!! EVER!!

Well, at least not again today. FOR THE REST OF THE DAY! Ok, I may have to watch the Two and a Half Men 7:00-8pm block, but aside from that, NO TV! And especially not NBC! Die, Peacock!

DON’T THEY KNOW WHO YOU ARE?! This is madness! (Um, but I still want to be on LOLA, OK? I can totally fake it and hate them in secret.)

The end of an era. You had a hell of a run, Mr. Wolf. Congrats on 20 years of one of the best shows in the history of television. You rule.

I have to go cry now.


Published in: on May 14, 2010 at 2:33 pm  Leave a Comment  

4/20/10: Guest Post Debut!

Dear Dick Wolf:

So as you’ve probably noticed, I’m not the most consistent blogger. I always have things I want to write to you about – the Goren/Eames exit…the recent birth of your new baby…Law & Order coming to Los Angeles – but at the moment I’m working on finishing a play, and I’ve made it my top priority. Not that I wouldn’t take an immediate hiatus if you needed me to, oh, I don’t know, take Saffron Burrows’ place on CI. OK, full disclosure – I don’t hate her. I actually think she’s cool. But Nichols has dialed it down a notch since she came along. He doesn’t seem to be “on” as much as he was with Wheeler (btw, where was THAT exit justice??), and I want him to be all “I’m right about everything, can’t you tell by the way I blink my eyes slowly and look pensive” again. He still does the blinking thing, but he doesn’t seem to be as quick on his feet with her. Anyway, I digress.

So look, my fellow L&O junkie, Cassie Ramirez, has written a guest post for us! I’M SO JAZZED!! So, without further ado, I pass along this very important message. Please be a gem and give her the same attention you give me.

Thank you. Amen.

By Cassie Ramirez

Dear Dick Wolf,

One thing I love about the Law & Order franchise (er, or brand, as you like to refer to it) is continuity, especially with character backstories.

For instance, Don Cragen went from the Homicide squad to SVU, with a stop in the Organized Crime Control Bureau before that (thank you, Exiled: A Law & Order Movie. Cue synthesizer music)In that time, his flight attendant wife, Marge, died, and his battle with alcoholism continued.  He even butted heads with ADA Paxton over Public Servants With Drinking Problems this season.


When Mike Logan made the move to the Major Case Squad, he was still known as That Cop Who Got Banished to Staten Island For Punching a Politician.  The mommy issues highlighted on the original series? Still there on CI. 

The original series itself makes constant references to cases from old episodes.  I won’t list them all here, but suffice it to say, overall, you’ve got yourself some good fact-checkers/researchers/coffee-getters (you wouldn’t happen to need another one, would you?).  Which brings me to my point.

This season on the original series, Ben Bratt reprised his role of Rey Curtis.  At his wife’s funeral, Rey mentions to Van Buren that after leaving the 27th precinct at the end of Season 9, he moved his family out to California.

Coincidentally…in Season 7’s “Judgment in L.A.” three-parter (you know, Lennie and Rey in Los Angeles, a young Lauren Graham hitting on Rey, Jamie and Jack going up against Jamie’s ex, Neil Gorton) Graham’s character, Lisa Lundquist, offers Rey a position as a movie consultant.  He’d get paid to make sure movies depicting any sort of police activity were accurate.  Rey, of course, turns her down. 

But perhaps…the fact that he’s now in California means that after exiting in Season 9 (because he needed more time and money to deal with his wife’s MS) he took Lundquist up on her offer. 

Either way, whether the mention this season was a case of continuity or pure coincidence, it’s the perfect reason to cast Ben Bratt in your newest addition to the L&O brand, Law & Order: Los Angeles.   Don’t forget, Ben won two Alma awards for his work as Rey Curtis and was part of the only cast in L&O history (Season 7) to win the Emmy for Outstanding Drama Series. 

If that’s not enough, remember all the fangirls who tuned in weekly to see if he’d take his shirt off? We’re still out here and trust me, we’d still like to see that. 

– Cassie

Published in: on April 20, 2010 at 11:30 pm  Comments (1)  
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4/1/10: R.I.P. Captain Danny Ross

Dear Dick Wolf:

I knew it was coming. I knew y’all were planning to kill off Ross on this week’s Criminal Intent. And OK, I’ve made my peace with it. But look, we’re talking about Bogosian here. He doesn’t do bland. Have you read his stuff? I finished Mall recently and DAMN. Dude is hardcore. Which makes me reeeeeally disappointed that he didn’t get a better death scene. If anyone deserved to go out in guns-blazing, words-flying, sweat-dripping glory, it was Ross. I mean seriously, my cat does a better pretend death scene than he got.


So yeah. He deserved better.

I was actually tweeting at you during the season premiere. Did you get my tweets? If not, here’s how the evening went down…

(Pay no attention to my bad grammar.)

(That was the Ross death tweet.)

(Well, he is.)

Please don’t make it lame.

Thank you. Amen.

Published in: on April 1, 2010 at 2:48 pm  Comments (2)  
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3/16/10: Online Dating Profile

Dear Dick Wolf:

So, the guys I do radio with keep threatening to write an online dating profile for me since..you know…my eggs are drying up. Well, one of our favorite listeners, @aboynamedart, weighed in on what it should entail:

In the online dating system, relationship-based offenses are particularly heinous. In Los Angeles, the dedicated women who try to avoid these vicious failures are members of an elite squad known as the Serial Dating Unit. These are Gina’s stories.

Now, if only we can get Steven Zirnkilton to voice it. Can you help out with that? My next relationship may depend on it.

Thank you. Amen.

Published in: on March 16, 2010 at 11:19 pm  Comments (1)  
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2/13/10: Leader of the Pack

Dear Dick Wolf:

Question: Before you signed off on the iconic Law & Order theme song we all know and love, did you happen to run it by…YOUR DOG? I ask because it appears that man’s best friend has a unique fascination with the doink doink music. Allow me to put on my Assistant DA hat and present…

Exhibit A: 

Exhibit B:

And perhaps my personal favorite – Exhibit C, the Doberman:

Notice how he cranes his left ear toward the television after that first doink doink? He’s clearly a fan of your work.

And these dogs are just a small sample. Check out this handy “Pups & Order” webpage. It’s hours of fun.

Big thanks to Nina Bargiel – a.k.a. the Slackmistress – who turned me on to this phenomenon. Being a cat person, I had no idea. Perhaps her own pup, Daisy J. Dog, likes to sing along, too.

What’s more, this howling is apparently a throwback to their wolf roots. It’s what wolves do to establish their kinship with a pack. To communicate with each other. Get it? WOLF! That’s you! They’re calling out to you. They’re showing their camaraderie. They’re on board the Law & Order bus.

So congratulations, Alpha Male. You’re #1 among dogs 25 – 54.


Published in: on February 13, 2010 at 6:23 pm  Leave a Comment  
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11/10/09: HAHAHAHA!!

Dear Dick Wolf:

Listen to this!! I laughed so hard!!

It’s from a comedian named John Mulaney, maybe you’ve heard it already. I hadn’t before today. It was sent to me by my friend Will, who gets an A+ for enabling me regarding my L&O obsession hobby. He has a groovy blog, too. You should check it out. He’s more consistent than I am about writing.

And seriously, the bit about the guy who won’t stop unloading crates? SPOT! ON! What’s up with that, anyway? HOW DO THEY REMAIN SO CALM WHEN QUESTIONED BY THE POLICE?! I’d be frozen. And then there’s the whole, “I gotta get back to work or my boss’ll kill me.” Hello?! The cops are questioning you, dude! YOU GO WHEN THEY SAY YOU CAN GO!

Oh, and how is it that everyone knows to ask for a lawyer, even if they’ve never been arrested before? Is there a civilian/police handbook I don’t know about? Please email me the Amazon link. I need to get my hands on that.

Thank you. Amen.

Published in: on November 10, 2009 at 9:32 am  Leave a Comment  

10/8/09: Sherman Oaks DRAMA!!

Dear Dick Wolf:

Check it out!

Search For Robbery Suspect Shuts Down Area in Sherman Oaks
October 8, 2009 8:17 AM


A perimeter has been set up in Sherman Oaks as police search for a robbery suspect currently at-large. At some point this morning, officers observed wanted robbery suspects in the parking of lot of Rite-Aid at Riverside and Fulton. One was taken into custody, but another ran, according to police.

The perimeter, which encloses a neighborhood, shopping center and two schools (Notre Dame High School included), is apparently bounded by Riverside to the south, Woodman to the west, Magnolia to the north and Fulton to the east.

* Courtesy of LAist

THAT’S RIGHT OUTSIDE MY OFFICE BUILDING!! I can see the police cars from here!


If you would like to interview me for a future “ripped from the headlines” episode, I’m totally available.

Thank you. Amen.

Published in: on October 8, 2009 at 10:37 am  Leave a Comment  

10/7/09: Sneak Peek!

Dear Dick Wolf:

LOOK!! I have a sneak peek at tonight’s episode of Law & Order: SVU! DIE!!

[clearspring_widget title=”A New Appetite” wid=”4727a250e66f9723″ pid=”4accc1199420af3b” width=”384″ height=”283″ domain=”widgets.nbc.com”]

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

I have to tell you, I’m TOTALLY excited for this episode! Ever since Dr. Baer told us that we would be seeing A LOT of Stabler in it – if you know what I mean. Hubba hubba! (Errr, is that creepy to say to a straight guy? Sorry.)

I still haven’t given you the full rundown on our interview with Dr. Baer, have I? He came on our radio show and he was AWESOME! You can listen here. He has to be one of the busiest, coolest and most gracious men I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing. I can see why you guys are buddies.

OK, gotta work. Rough day today – more on that later 😦


P.S. A publicist for NBC sent that clip to me! Someone over there stumbled onto this blog and now they send me groovy publicity stuff. So cool!

Published in: on October 7, 2009 at 9:26 am  Leave a Comment  


Dear Dick Wolf:


So, yeah. Got a shout-out tonight from your Executive Producer. What can I say? It made my day.


Don’t forget to tune in for our interview with Dr. Baer tomorrow! 11am Pacific, 2pm Eastern.

Listen live here.

You realize we are now ONE degree of separation from each other, right? (Or is it two? I was never a math junkie.) Either way, I know. I’m excited, too.

Chat soon.

Published in: on September 18, 2009 at 9:17 pm  Comments (1)  

9/15/09: I’m Baaaaack!!

Dear Dick Wolf:

Hello! I’m back! I know, I know, it’s been far too long since I’ve been in touch. I blame summer. And my 7-day work week. And the cats – TOTALLY HIGH-MAIN. I also blame my car breaking down, family drama, my latest nose job, the Sherman Oaks water main debacle, celebrity deaths, Afghanistan and Joe Wilson. So as you can see, I was clearly unable to write for the past few months. I’m sure you understand.

However, I return to you with the most exciting news EVER! Your buddy, Dr. Neal Baer, is going to be a guest on our radio show this Saturday! Can I get a WOO-HOO?!! You can check out the announcement on our homepage. It looks like this, only bigger:


As you can guess, I’m over the moon! I can’t wait to hear all about the upcoming season of Law & Order: SVU, and talk about Christopher Meloni, my one-night guy. Although I doubt I’ll mention that, but I will ask why he’s constantly overlooked for Emmy nominations. It’s not fair. Stabler is one of the best characters on television, and he’s repeatedly robbed. I think we’ve had this conversation before, right? Well, as you can see, I’m still pissed about it. NOBODY PUTS STABLER IN A CORNER!

Too soon? Yeah, I thought so. Sorry. For the record, I’m distraught over Patrick Swayze’s death. He was so wonderful. I first fell in love with him when he did the mini-series North and South. Oh, how I adored that show! I sat on the couch every night it was on, watching and drooling over Orry Main. I hadn’t seen The Outsiders or Red Dawn, so this was my first encounter with Patrick, and I was smitten! Ask my mom. She’ll tell you. I was a raging box of hormones at that point and he was so dreamy. Then Dirty Dancing came out and it was all over. I was a sophomore in high school and I saw it at the movie theatre with a gaggle of girlfriends. We were all love-struck. I think that movie may very well be the one that ruined my love life. I’m perpetually searching for that bad-boy-with-a-heart-of-gold. My very own Johnny Castle.


I mean really. LOOK AT THAT MAN. And oh, how he danced! Note to guys: If you want to make women swoon like it’s a disease, learn to shake it like Johnny Castle.

As usual, I digress. But he will be so, so missed.

So, please be sure to tune-in to our radio show this Saturday to hear your friend, Dr. Baer! 11am Pacific, 2pm Eastern. Hey, maybe you could give me a few inside stories to spring on him! Like, “So, tell us about the time you dressed up like Ice-T for the company Halloween party.” That would be fun.

OK, gotta go. I’m glad we’re back in touch. I’ve missed you. 

Thank you. Amen.

Published in: on September 15, 2009 at 11:44 pm  Comments (4)  
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Summer Vacation

Dear Dick Wolf:

I am currently on a summer blogging hiatus. But rest assured that I am watching Law & Order episodes every night.

If you don’t believe me, tune into our radio show. I talk about it all the time apparently.

I will return soon.  Don’t worry.


Published in: on July 14, 2009 at 12:47 pm  Leave a Comment  

6/28/09: Milestone! Addendum



Courtesy of @slackmistress. This is why we love her.

Dear Dick Wolf:

I’m not really a stalker.

Thank you. Amen.

Published in: on June 28, 2009 at 10:48 am  Comments (2)  

6/27/09: Milestone!

Dear Dick Wolf:

Check this out!



Now, I don’t know if that’s a big deal in the overall blogosphere, but I think it’s pretty cool. And I’m guessing that a lot of those visits are from you, so thanks!

I often get hits from people searching for Chris Sarandon, as you can see. But I have to say, “20 ugly hamburgers” is a new one. I’ve never seen an ugly hamburger in my life.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know, and say thanks for reading. I’ll be in New York next week if you’d like to schedule an audition. Or have coffee with me and my mom. She’d totally be up for it. Let me know.

Thank you! Amen.

Published in: on June 27, 2009 at 5:44 pm  Comments (1)  
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6/16/09: TORTURE

Dear Dick Wolf:

Aarrgghh! So, my friend Jason issued another dare today. You remember the first one – the Bleunami Showdown? Well, this time he challenged me to do something much more nauseating than eating a greasy, two-pound hamburger. I had to sit through an episode of The Hills.


Actually, it wasn’t even a full episode – the challenge was two minutes. And I may as well have been flogged.

Seriously – who ARE these people? I don’t know any of them. Well, I’ve heard of “Speidi” – the Spencer/Heidi concoction. But only because they were on I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here with two gals I work with, Frangela. And according to the ladies, Speidi is crazy. But honestly, all one has to do is sit through 9 minutes and 5 seconds of The Hills (I actually lasted that long) to figure it out. And the sad part is – people in Los Angeles are REALLY LIKE THIS. I’m not surprised you’ve chosen New York. Broadway talent vs. reality stars? Gee, let me think about it.

Anyway, I watched the latest Criminal Intent after it was over, to cleanse myself. And I have to say – I’ve always loved Jeff Goldblum, but he’s simply dreamy in this role. A tall, dark and handsome shrink-turned-cop? Sign me up. He’s single, right? If you could put in a good word for me, I’d appreciate it.

Thank you. Amen.

Published in: on June 16, 2009 at 10:27 pm  Leave a Comment  
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6/10/09: SVU Season Finale ROCKED!

Dear Dick Wolf:

I know this comes a week late, but I wanted to congratulate you on an AWESOME Law & Order: SVU season finale! Who saw THAT coming? I loved it. I’m a bit bummed that I won’t get to see hunky Ryan the technician anymore, since Stucky took him out, but I’m happy Stabler’s fine, and that both he and Benson will be returning next season. YAY! It was scary for a minute, but when I saw this tweet from Dr. Baer, I knew it was all good:


He’s talking about Meloni and Hargitay, isn’t he? He is, I know he is. I haven’t heard any formal announcement on their return, but from what I’ve read – negotiations are going well. THANK GOD. I really don’t know if I could keep watching if they left. You’d have to come up with a pretty top-notch team to replace them. Here are the couplings I would stick around for:

* Sam Rockwell and Lili Taylor

* Daniel Craig and Rose McGowan

* Peter Greene and Cate Blanchett

* Liev Schreiber and Martha Plimpton

* Brian F. O’Byrne and Uma Thurman (Although that might be a tough one to pull off, considering O’Byrne’s uber-significant guest star role as Liam Connors – but you could make it work.)

*Jason O’Mara and Gina Yates (Yes, me. Although quite frankly, I’d gladly pair up with any of these guys. I think O’Mara and I would have killer chemistry, though. He reminds me of a college crush.)

Now, I realize that a lot of these folks are busy movie stars and probably hard to get, which makes the O’Mara/Yates pairing that much more appealing. I come cheap and you could probably land him for a good price. Ooh, and maybe you could hire Lee Pace to fill the hunky tech guy void! He’s recently out of a television show, and nice to look at. I know, this is a lot of information for you to digest. I’ll let you think on it.

Oh, but I did want to mention Dr. Baer again. I’ve been trying to get him on our radio show. He’s given me a nugget of hope…



…but we haven’t managed to finalize anything yet. Maybe you could give him a call on your iPhone and encourage him to do the show? That would be great. You have an iPhone, right? I imagine it would come in very handy in New York. In fact, I’m going to get one before my visit next month. I already got a Flip cam, which you can expect I’ll be using for this blog soon. Maybe I’ll reenact some L&O scenes for you. In fact, maybe I’ll contact Jason O’Mara and see if he wants to do an audition video! I’m telling you, there would be chemistry. Trust me. Besides, we need a Law & Order: Los Angeles show. We’ve got plenty of crime.

Let me know if you talk to Dr. Baer. I’ll keep you posted on this end.

Thank you. Amen.


Published in: on June 10, 2009 at 8:41 am  Leave a Comment  
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