10/30/08: Save the Pie Hole!

Dear Dick Wolf:

I know I haven’t written in two weeks (I’m totally preoccupied with redesigning my business website at the moment, more on that later), and I know this post has nothing to do with Law & Order, but it does have everything to do with quality television programming – which you know a little something about…

One of my *other* favorite shows is in serious danger of being cancelled – Pushing Daisies. It started off with a bang, scoring numerous Emmy and Golden Globe noms its first season out, but fell victim to the writers’ strike. Now that it’s back, it hasn’t yet picked up the steam it originally had – but it will, I know it will! It just needs a little more time…

Bottom line: We can’t let the execs at ABC cancel Pushing Daisies. So, since you’re a renowned TV mogul and they’ll probably listen to you (even if it is a rival network), I was hoping you could sign the petition to keep this insanely adorable and innovative program on television. It doesn’t conflict with any L&O slots, so we’re good. Just go HERE to add your name to the list. It’s that easy!

Oh, and if you could spread the word and get all of your bigwig buddies to do the same, I’d be forever grateful. As, I’m sure, would Ned the Pie Maker, Chuck, Olive Snook, Emerson Cod, Digby and the rest of the gang. Not to mention the incredibly talented writers and crew, as well as millions and millions of viewers – who unfortunately may not have a loud enough collective voice of their own.

Thank you so much!

Long live the Pie Hole!

Published in: on October 30, 2008 at 8:13 pm  Comments (4)  
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10/16/08: My YouTube Debut!

Dear Dick Wolf:

So, here’s a little sample of me on camera. You might wanna get in touch with my manager before I become an Internet sensation, start dating no-good rockstars and get too big for my britches.

I come in at about :56 seconds:

That was total improv, btw. I’m even better with a script.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Thank you. Amen.

P.S. He totally deserved it.

Published in: on October 16, 2008 at 8:33 pm  Leave a Comment  
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10/13/08: Backstory-er At Large!

Dear Dick Wolf:

It dawned on me as I was doing homework for my acting class today that I have a bit of a knack for writing backstories. Not to toot my own horn, but seriously – I can backstory with the best of ’em. I LOVE fleshing-out characters. Thank goodness, since, you know, it’s kind-of important when you’re an actor…So I thought, maybe I could be a backstory-er! There are a hundred-bazillion* actors in this town, many of whom are lazy and don’t want to do their homework. So, I could write their backstories for them! They get a fully fleshed-out character and I get a few bucks in my pocket. Hey, we all gotta do what we can in these struggling economic times.

Or, here’s a thought…I could help YOU! Do you need any backstories created for upcoming projects? I’m on it! I’m sure you want a sample, right? No problem! Here, take a look at this one I created for a monologue called “Truck” from the play Vital Signs:

Name: Ruby Jewel Knox
DOB: May 18, 1974
Birthplace: Covington, GA. Population: 8,147

I grew up in a double-wide trailer, an only child. My parents fought alot, dad was a drunk. Mom worked as a bartender – that’s how they met. They were nice to me for the most part growing up, it was each other they didn’t like.

I was a smart kid in school. A good writer, I won a lot of class awards for stories. Out teacher would assign a topic every week and we had to write a fictional story based on it. He used to put the best one in a frame and hang it in the front of the classroom. My stories were often picked as the best one. Some of the kids were snotty to me because of it, but I tried not to let it get to me. I knew they were jealous. At least, that’s what my mom always told me.

(more…)

Published in: on October 13, 2008 at 11:11 pm  Leave a Comment  
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10/5/08: The Buddhists Are Driving Me Crazy

Dear Dick Wolf:

I think my soul is doomed.


(Artist’s rendering of what might be my soul)

I’m taking Buddhism classes at the Kadampa Meditation Center here in Los Angeles. I’ve always wanted to be a Buddhist. I believe in reincarnation and karma and all that good stuff. And, you know, trying to be a better person. Well, I’m enrolled in something called The Foundation Program. It’s pretty hardcore. I’m learning all the classic Buddhist prayers and beliefs. Most of the prayers are chanted. At first I had a hard time wrapping my head around that one, but a friend of mine pointed out that the chanting is to help us concentrate on the words and meanings without distraction. OK, I’ll buy that. And honestly, anything that helps me concentrate is welcomed. When it comes to wandering minds, I won the lottery. Which means the meditation part of the program poses quite a challenge. Just tonight, when I should have been meditating on things like compassion, death and enlightenment, I kept thinking about how I wanted to get home and check my email.

So anyway, I think most of the concepts are great, but I’m having a hard time with a couple of them. Like the one that says we should “cherish” the people who treat us badly, because they’re opportunities for spiritual growth. Yeah, it looks good on paper, but c’mon…Or the one that says all pain is a result of the attachments we form. OK, I get it. If I don’t become attached to my car stereo, I won’t be upset if it’s stolen. But it goes further than that. For example, if we don’t get attached to our loved ones, it won’t hurt when they die. See, that one I can’t grasp. I had one guy tell me tonight that we need to get past our emotional ties to, say, our parents and our siblings, and just let them go when they die. And the way to do that is to not form attachments to them in the first place…WTF?! Then another woman said she keeps telling herself that someday her cat will die, in an attempt to become less attached to him. That way when he does die, she won’t be sad…So, let me get this straight. You have an opportunity to open your heart and love a creature that will love you back unconditionally, but you’re not going to let yourself because 15 years down the road, when your cat dies, you might grieve for a while – and you don’t want to deal with the pain…Is it just me, or is this NUTSO??

Look, I do get the message. Basically, suffering is all in the mind. If we reinterpret our situations, they won’t cause us pain. We’re responsible for our own thoughts, and thus our own happiness and suffering…The problem is, I’m very attached to my mom and my cats, and that’s that. And I seriously doubt that I can shower my coworkers who drive me bonkers with compassion and understanding, and consider them opportunities for spiritual growth.

So perhaps I’m not a good Buddhist.

Or – maybe I’m a rebel Buddhist! Yes! That’s it! I want to be a good person, and I’ll even chant, but I don’t have to cherish people who suck.

OK, I feel better about my soul now. I’ll go back to class next week and try to talk some sense into these people.

Thank you for listening. Amen.

Published in: on October 5, 2008 at 11:53 pm  Comments (4)  
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10/1/08: Dr. Phil Doesn’t Want Me

Dear Dick Wolf:

I’m at work, researching topics for the syndicated radio show for which I write. I just logged on to Dr. Phil’s website to see if he had any new, life-altering advice to share, and discovered that he is looking for people who are “Obsessed with Cold Case” to be on his show:

My first thought was, “What about people who are obsessed with Law & Order?! Cold Case isn’t nearly as good as Law & Order! What’s up with THAT?” Then I realized that Dr. Phil means actual cold cases

Now I feel bad.

On a happier note – I got new glasses! They’re adorable, yet brainy. Very A.D.A. I’ll post a picture tomorrow of me wearing them. You’ll probably want to hire me immediately.

Thank you. Amen.

Published in: on October 1, 2008 at 11:05 am  Leave a Comment  
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