8/17/08: Drudge, Rhinoplasty and Celebrity Defense Attorneys

Dear Dick Wolf:

I have no idea where the time goes. It simply goes. Trust me when I say my lack of blogging isn’t meant to be an outright display of laziness, for I enjoy writing to you. It’s a way for you to get to know me before you hire me, thus sparing you the “Tell me a little about yourself…” portion of the audition process. However, the vanishing of days has been at an all-time high as of late. I have flashes of what I’ve been doing – working three jobs (one of them full-time), memorizing lines for a new class scene, rehearsing, reading The Drudge Report. I know, I know – why am I, a crazy left-wing liberal whose beliefs may someday single-handedly cause the complete deterioration of our just and moral American society, reading Drudge? Ummm…I like the layout. And he digs up great offbeat stories. And he’s uberfast with breaking news. (And I like to start my sentences with the word “and”…) We may not have the same political ideology, but hey – I give credit where credit is due. Yes, my mom hates that he’s my homepage, but we still manage to coexist.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you something – I met Tom Mesereau today (DUHNT DUHNT)! You may remember him from the Michael Jackson molestation trial and the Robert Blake murder trial, to name two of the high-profile ones. Now, it’s not every day that I find myself chatting with a criminal defense attorney, and regardless of how I feel about either of those cases (not that I followed them enough to feel much of anything), he seems to be a pretty cool guy.

I work for a radio show on the weekends called Legally Bound. You should listen – it’s right up your alley (law stuff). Today’s subject matter was lawyers who take advantage of people. Doing things like guaranteeing that they can win cases, just to get business. Quoting fees that don’t actually take their clients through trial. Once they get there it’s like, “Yeah, that $5,000 dollars was my consultation and prep fee. I’m gonna need another $3-gazillion to get you through the big show.” Anyway, Mr. Mesereau was the in-studio guest and he’s got a real problem with these shady chaps. He also hates California’s three strikes law. And he does a lot of pro bono work for low-income individuals. He’s an interesting guy, and very friendly. Actually, I would LOVE to set him up with my friend Lynne – she would totally dig him. I thought about asking him if he’d be willing to go on a blind date, but decided against it. I also thought about asking to get a picture with him so I could post it for you, but then I remembered that I currently look like I’ve been beaten across the face with a golf club. My nose was viciously attacked by a plastic surgeon on Friday and I’m still in bandages. Not a good look. It was unfortunate meeting Mr. Mesereau in this fashion, but I’ll tell you what – he was very gracious! He didn’t avert his eyes once while talking to me. I give him bonus points for that.

So anyway, I was thinking. Mr. Mesereau said that he doesn’t do much TV, but that he will if the right opportunity comes along. Well, if you asked him, I’ll bet he’d do an episode of Law & Order! How cool would that be?! He could play…uh…a criminal defense attorney, perhaps? You could do a “ripped from the headlines” episode with him! It could be based on, let’s say, an actor who was in a movie like, oh I don’t know, The 40-Year-Old Virgin? And his girlfriend gets stabbed nearly to death and he’s the prime suspect. And Mr. Mesereau – whose character we’ll call Blake Michaels – is given the task of trying to get him off the hook. Whadya think? People would totally DVR that. Also, Mr. Mesereau is apparently a genius when it comes to cross-examination, so I’ll bet he’d even help your writers with the script if you wanted him to!

I think it’s a great idea, so I wanted to pass it along. However, if you invite him to do the show, I do ask that you cast me in that episode. Consider it my finder’s fee. I could be an actress who worked with the defendant. Maybe I was having an affair with him and I’m actually the one who tried to kill the wife! I would LOVE that! I can totally play sweet-on-the-outside, maniacal-on-the-inside jealous lover! How fun! I know it’s not exactly original, but I trust your writers to throw the viewers off my scent.

Please let me know. If you need me to pull some strings with Mr. Mesereau, I may be able to do that for you.

Thank you. Amen.

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Published in: on August 17, 2008 at 8:14 pm  Leave a Comment  
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